Hello Erin,
I just stumbled upon your blog/post/whatever while researching this term i just discovered and wanted to share my experience with you in hope of a rational explaination, or better yet, a study to help others get over it or not fall for the trap. I have been limerent for my best friend for almost 3 years now. Since we met, I had a crush on him, but he was not interested so I never said anything and we just continued to be just friends. We spent almost those entire three years together, I rarely saw my other friends, and so did he. We merged our lives instantly and became so attached to each other. Over that time, I sometimes felt in love with him because of the jealousy I felt when seeing him hook up with other girls.
But I did the same, I even hooked up with his friends and I saw no need for double standards. But in the back of my head, it always hurt me. I knew he cared about me, and that I was the closest person to him, and I thought he had more than friendship emotions towards me, but never confronted him.
Now the material online says that limerent victims make up those signals, so maybe that’s true. But there are several occasions where I seriously felt that he returned the feelings. For example, he would get drunk and tell me he loves me but then takes it back. This became a pattern lately when he was in a different country than me. He explained that it was just desperation and because I’m the closet person to him, I’m his emotional punching bag. But those incidents even aroused the uncertainty and anxiety I have been having for the past three years.
Now I realize that the love I had for him is not friendship, because it consumed me. and I don’t know how to deal. I can either ignore the pain, go back to being in denial, and feel amazing at moments of his acceptance. Or I can cut off all ties with him and get over him as if he were my boyfriend. But then again, he was the best friend I have ever had so it feels like im loosing too much that the pain I feel in this situation is worth it.
Anyways, I appologize for the long rant. I hope it’s useful, and if you have feedback, that would be great. I’d also be more than happy to fill out surveys or something to help you in your research.
Cheers,
[redacted]
