My husband, two teenage boys, and I enjoy a sit-down dinner together every night. We gather around the kitchen table, enjoy good food, discuss our day, debate current events, and there’s always lots of laughter. Then together we clean the kitchen. This is usually followed by a family game of scrabble, charades, or more quality conversation and laughter. The subject of turning on the TV never comes up.
While I’m having this delusion I’ll also be a size 8 who really never has to watch what she eats and loves to exercise.
In reality, my children are rarely available for meals. They have football, lacrosse, basketball, track, or various other after school activities. Between texting, video games, the computer, sports, and academics there’s really not much time left for me – their mother. When they do have a free minute they want to hang out with their friends. Our dinners usually consist of quick fix meals or take-out and generally last about ten minutes after which everyone is gone and I’m left with a sink full of dirty dishes.
It seems like just yesterday they wanted every bit of my time.
“Mommy, watch this”, they would call or ask “Did you see me, Mom?”
When we were separated for any length of time, when I returned, they ran to me with such intensity and pure adoration that it humbled me.
When did we change places? When did it go from them wanting all my attention to me wanting theirs?
I know my boys love me but I’m also realistic about where there priorities are. I don’t think I’m being paranoid when I say that I’m not at the top of their lists of people to hang out with. So to get more of their time, I had to do it on their terms.
One day while watching them play Guitar Hero I got an idea. The game looked fun, I liked most of the music, and it seemed to be something I could do. That’s it! I made it my mission to master the game.
Every night, after work I would stay up after the kids went to sleep and “jam” to songs like Talk Dirty to Me and My Name is Jonas. On weekends I would wait till the kids went out and then I would practice, practice, practice. I caught on pretty quickly and gradually improved from beginner, to medium, and then to hard.
One night when the kids were out I cranked up the music so loud that it woke my husband. When I finished my song I threw my arm up in the air and I jumped up and down just like my character in the game. That’s when I saw him standing at the doorway. I could tell that he had immediately figured out my ulterior motive. He stood there in his boxers, shaking his head, and scratching himself, “Are you coming to bed anytime soon?” he asked.
Should I be embarrassed? Maybe, but it would be worth all my hard work if my kids wanted to hang out with me.
When I believed that I was good enough I made my move. The kids were in the playroom doing their homework. I casually walked in, “Mind if I play Guitar Hero?” I asked.
Since they hadn’t seen me practice they rolled their eyes - standard reaction to most of my questions, and said “I guess.” They looked dubious to say the least.
I turned the on Xbox, strapped the guitar over my shoulder, selected my character and started playing Barracuda. My boys had big smiles on their faces and looks that indicated that they thought I was crazy. I ROCKED it. Afterward we all laughed, high fived, and spent the rest of the evening playing music together.
The next few days were fantastic. We played, hung out, jammed, and just had fun together. I wasn’t nearly as good as them but I was competitive and after all I was a mom so that gave me a little leeway.
One afternoon I text messaged my son to tell him that I had just successfully played a song on expert. He shared my message with his friends and one of them responded “Your mom rocks.”
Is there any higher compliment?
When the new Call of Duty game came out our time together came to an abrupt end. As soon as they unwrapped their new game, slid the disk into the Xbox, put on their headsets, and enthusiastically talked to strangers on Xbox live while killing their enemies, I knew that it was over.
Despite my desire to continue playing with my kids I couldn’t bring myself to master the wartime killing game not to mention the amount of time it would take me to learn another game and the complicated looking controller.
Life returned to what it was before Guitar Hero. The quick dinners, again, grabbed on the run with all of us in the same house each doing our own thing. I fondly recalled our days together and then it occurred to me that it was moments like those spent playing Guitar Hero that created the memories that would replace my fictional family dinners and games of scrabble.
I continue to stay focused as the newest technologies that emerge daily just so that I don’t become removed from my children’s’ new channels of communication. I’ve invited my sons to be my friend on facebook and as a result know who my kids are friends with. I’ve made a video with them for youtube. And I even know what many of the text message abbreviations mean. Maybe in the technology age, bonds are formed differently than when I grew up. While I still treasure those few a far between dinners when it all just comes together, I also appreciate that perhaps there are new and different ways for families to bond.
~Mindy Brooks
mindy.brooks1@comcast.net
