Spam makes the world a better place.
I’m trying to figure out whether or not I’m kidding. On the one hand, it’s annoying to see. Gmail helps because I don’t have to actually look at it, but I’m astounded that the count can rise even higher than it already is. Currently my folder is at 3,590. I haven’t emptied it for quite some time. I don’t know what I’m waiting for. Am I collecting spam?
I should reconsider my hobbies.
Today, I may have realized what I’ve been saving for. I randomly clicked on the folder with the intention to empty it, but then I decided to examine the contents. What do these spammers think of me? Who do they think I am?
Apparently they think I am poor and depressed, probably because of my small penis. But no worries! The 3,590 messages all want to help me with one of these problems or another.
Well, they got part of it right. Little do these spammers know (…or do they?), my penis problems go way back. As a trumpet player all through junior high and high school, my lack of a penis combined with very, very sexist band directors causing me many problems.
If only I would’ve heard about these pills 10 years ago!
Oh great, now I’m slipping into depression because I just realized that I was in 7th grade TEN YEARS AGO. If I only knew where to acquire some anti-depressants…without getting ripped off by a doctor…
Hey! Someone named Jayne Louis wants me to know that I can order anti-depressants, weight loss meds, and “pain.” I’m not sure why I want to order pain, but okay.
So, once these meds kick in, maybe I’ll feel good enough to enlarge my cock by 3 inches. Then my boner will be huge! After that I can embark upon my Christian career, which has apparently arrived. Or else I can just use the internet to make my money. I can opt for Craigslist, or I can become a lazy Google millionaire. My millions can buy me MORE penis pills, replica watches, any number of celebrity sex tapes, and jewelry!
Wow, I don’t know what I’d do without spam to plan my life for me. Apparently these spammers got me exactly right.
~Valerie Williams
valerieleewilliams@gmail.com
Philadelphia, PA
