Here at AWKWARD, we love men. Really, we do.
And so, when a male reader writes to us with his AWKWARD experiences involving women, our ears perk up. We’re intrigued and we listen. And, after reading his experiences detailing the dating life that is Houston, Texas - we laugh — And a bit of us cries, too, because honestly … some girls are crazy.
Here’s 3 reasons why:
Reason #1: “My sexual past makes for great conversation”
So I recently moved to Texas, and by recently, I mean, I finally got over the whole “I’m going to move back, why try to meet a girl” mentality.
So I’ve jumped into the dating scene. I’ve been collecting numbers for a solid two months and finally decided it was time to act on one. She had been texting me on/off for two weeks, so I guess persistence pays off.
I invited her to dinner where I had a great time. After dinner, I invited her back to my place to watch the Olympics and here’s where it got awkward. So she had worn this big thick belt around her waist which was obviously uncomfortable, so she decided she wasn’t going to wear it while we’re hanging out on the couch. Fine by me.
Eventually, out of nowhere she started talking about her last boyfriend, and how she couldn’t stand him. On their second date she went to a party at his place, ended up getting drunk and apparently he tried to take things too far. She told me she scolded him, etc.
First of all, too much information to begin with. Here’s the kicker - she proceeded to tell me that she was so mad at him, she went ahead and had sex with his roommmate (who had a girlfriend and made her promise never to tell him).
After all of this, she proceeded to go out with this guy 3 more times before breaking it off… and I’m supposed to be interested?
Unfortunately, my night didn’t end there. She then proceeded to tell me about her first girl-on-girl experience with her friend who is married. She broke up with a boyfriend of 4 years in January and apparently wasn’t “satisfied” and told her married friend this.
She proceeded to tell me about her married friend and her playing with dildos while the husband watched. My favorite comment “It was kind of awkward when we had to ask him to get more KY.”
The best part - she’ll be teaching 3rd grade this fall.
Reason #2: “I trick boys into feeding me”
When I first moved to Texas, I needed furniture. Since I just got a job and had a nice signing bonus, I decided to purchase some “quality” furniture (aka “No Assembly Required”).
It was around 4 PM on a Thursday and I walked into Pottery Barn and a young girl welcomed me to the store. I returned the hello and proceeded to check out the TV stands. I’m a guy, so I walk into a store with a purpose, not to find one. I don’t see anything I like, but she comes over and politely asks “Can I help you find anything today?” I tell her I’m simply browsing, so she leaves me alone.
Since I’m not satisfied with the TV stand selection, I decide I need to get a utensil tray and few other supplies. As I’m looking around (2 minutes) later, she comes back again and says “Are you sure I can’t help you?” to which I respond, “Actually, could you help me find a utensil tray?” Her advice: “I would go to Crate & Barrel” I respond, “I’m glad you’re not in sales.”
After a little back and forth, she asks if she can have my number. I figure, girl from Texas, not a big deal, and provide her with my number. That night, I get a text saying that she’s going out with a bunch of friends and they’re all meeting at Niko Niko’s (Greek Restaurant).
When I show up (I didn’t have many friends since I’m new to the city), she advises me that her roommate got sick and it’s just going to be the two of us.
So instead of just asking me out, she tricks me into a date? Awkward. I never call back. She texts/calls. I ignore. After two months of no communication, I get a text telling me that her father is in the hospital and apologizes for not keeping in touch? Really? Awkward.
Reason #3: “I love my Daddy more than you”
I met this girl, we’d gone out a couple of times and it’s always been fun. She seems cool, I don’t hate her friends (yet), and she likes sports.
Everything seems cool, so I finally take her up on the offer after a long night at the bars and come in for “one more drink.” You know how that goes, so I wake up in bed beside her… awkward.
She then proceeds to pick up her phone, and the next words I hear “Hi Daddy, how are you?” and the conversation ends with “Love you Daddy” while she was laying in bed beside me.
What girl would ever call their father after a drunk hook up? Seriously, go to the other room or wait until I leave? It’s not like I’m spending the afternoon there.
~Seven
Houston, Texas
