Please clean up your sugar crystals in Hell.
As I stand in the middle of a half, self-destructing shift at a convenience store I have affectionately named “Hell,” I come to accept the sad, obvious truth: I am surrounded by idiots.
I work in a place I’d rather not name, because as shitty of a job as it is, I still need it, and the last thing I want is to lose it and have no shitty job to complain about.
My tasks at Hell are fairly simplistic in nature: make coffee, make food, ring up customers, clean, stock and do it all within 8 hours. Yet, I can never seem to get through a shift without wanting to commit arson on the store. Why is this you ask? One word: People.
Some customers who come into my store on a regular basis make my job worth working; others stop in to just put the cloud over my sunshine day. I am not only talking about the countless assholes that never learned the words “please” and “thank you,” I am talking about people with the intelligence of rodents, the ones that ask a plethora of endless, brainless questions or act in the most appalling manner possible.
There are just some things people should be capable of doing simply by being social creatures. For instance, when I ask you how your day is, an inappropriate response would be an annoyed sigh followed by, “a pack of Newport Lights.” I’m sorry; but on my planet you cannot feel like a pack of cancer sticks. It is this little nuance of people and so many others that peeves me to no end.
For your reading pleasure here is a compiled list of the Top 10 real-life stupid questions and comments I’ve dealt with on the job:
- “Excuse me miss, but, how big is a 6-inch hoagie?” Really?
- “Hi, I’d like to return this milk, it’s expired”
”Well, when did you purchase this milk, ma’am?”
“Two months ago.” No, shit it’s expired! - “What comes on a ham hoagie?” I’m going to take a guess and say some form of ham; may be a shot in the dark though…
- People who are on Blue Tooth’s at the register and never acknowledge my presence, though I’ve said hello 6 times. Get off the phone.
- People who pour coffee into the trashcan. The liquid pouring out of the bottom of the trash bag does not make for easy clean up people!
- People who leave sugar crystals, napkins and drinks all over the counters. How about I go into your kitchen, open your cabinets, and dump your shit on the floor!?
- Don’t steal, and if you do, do it well. Don’t put your purse down at my register, stuff it with candy, look at me and continue to walk out the door.
- If someone butts in front of you in line, please don’t swing at them and then threaten to stab me. It’s not necessary, though they were a jerk, its not worth threatening my life, you’ll wait 30 seconds more. No big deal.
- When giving the cashier money, please don’t throw it at them. They are human and have working hands too.
- Never under any circumstances ask this question: “Is there any meat in the tuna fish?” IT’S TUNA FISH LADY. You’re officially the biggest disappointment in the history of humanity.
In short, don’t make my life a living hell. I don’t get paid enough to deal with your stupidity.
~Lauren
Philadelphia, PA