Sammy D update: She is an assistant editor of social media at Hearst Digital Media.
So yesterday, to familiarize herself with the Hearst Digital property answerology.com, she made up a profile and an identity not her own. And to the Q&A social community Web site, she posed the following 100 percent fabricated question:
[repeat: this is completely false]
POSTED 11:50AM, June 18th
QUESTION: I’m engaged, and I just learned that my fiancee cheated on me when we were just dating. I never found out, and he broke things off with the girl before I could even notice. I’m wondering whether to break the engagement to think things out. I don’t know what to do - how do I approach this if it isn’t a problem now, but could have been if I knew about it when it happened in the past?
The first response, 12:07PM, June 18th
km12 answered:
————— km12 wrote ————
I think what might be best is a pause in the relationship rather than a break-up. That way you can take time to think, but neither of you see anyone else.
Honestly though, I wouldn’t marry him. He cheated when things were new and probably pretty happy- what will happen 20 years down the line when you are dealing with real marital conflict? Even though he isn’t currently cheating (as far as you know), it is still a problem now- he isn’t who you thought he was.
Thoughts: A valid point, km12. But then, you completely contradict yourself. Your advice to my made up fictional situation confuses me?
snowkatcher answered:
————— snowkatcher wrote ————
Give it time and think it through. You just have to decide if you will be able to trust him again.
Thoughts: If this had actually happened to me, this is a probable option.
sphere answered:
————— sphere wrote ————
At what period of just dating. I have heard of people dating someone and then meeting someone else they like better and they slowly begin the new relationship while breaking off the other relationship. Is that cheating? Good luck?
Thoughts: So true! The answers are getting smarter. I could have just been casually dating him at the time, when multiple interests were OK.
louisiana70 answered:
————— louisiana70 wrote ————
I cant even imagine a beautiful woman like you getting cheated on like that! You are very beautiful ya know! ;)
Thoughts: Dear Lord, save me.
welloone answered:
————— welloone wrote ————
You don’t look much like a doormat. But I am worried about you becomming one.
I would worry. But maybe it depends on how long you were dating. I mean, during the first several dates, he might have been seeing more than one woman, and just had not sorted out who he liked yet.
I think you could forgive this.
But if he did it after you were dateing for a while, I think it shows he has no qualms about cheating on you. He may find another opportunity a few years in the future.
Me, I think I would slow things down. Not break off the engagement perhaps, but let him know how it hurt you. See what he has to say for himself, and give yourself some time to reconsider. This is a decision not to be made lightly.
Good luck
Thoughts: You are worried that I will become a WHAT? A doormat? Excuse me? No more comments, pshh that crap.
troubledsoul answered:
————— troubledsoul wrote ————
a breach of trust is still breach of trust.. even if the event happened in the past, for you it is like it happened now since you found out about it now.. what if you find out later that when he cheated on you he made her pregnant too.. oops.. and now she has a kid from him? I would suggest you take your time to reconsider things and think it through and then take a decision.
I know i have been lied to in the past and if i had known the complete truth i would not have got married to her.. and till date i regret my decision… dont go by my story though, you should think it through before you do anything.. give yourself some time to heal..
Thoughts: Oh shit, she so COULD have a child from my fiance! Oh My God… I see the light of it all. I should break the engagement!
tleeb answered:
————— tleeb wrote ————
well it depends how long did he have a relationship with the other women or was it just a fwb he was cheating with? how long had you guys been dating when he was with this other women?
Putting all that side he did dumped her to be with you. That’s all that should matter now.
Tell him you want to lay out everything before you guys get married and ask him if he’s ever cheated on you. If he doesnt confess then tell him what you know. Then ask again is there anyone else he wants to tell you about. Poor guy will be sweating bullets.
Thoughts: Oooh… make my fiance sweat bullets and feel the PAIN he made me go through. YES! That’s such a winner.
nuelcy answered:
————— nuelcy wrote ————
my dear Chase your self out and close the door behind you coz hel keep on dating and dropping by the time you know hell have dated a million ladies
Thoughts: Err, someone is a MANHATER here…
iamasamos answered:
————— iamasamos wrote ————
If he broke things off for you and is still true, why worry about what might have been? Sounds like you have your own doubts, what is it said: Why consider the boulder in another’s eye when your own eye has the same flaw?
Thoughts: Boulder? In my eye? WTF?
smellyellie answered:
————— smellyellie wrote ————
The key to my reply is “we were just dating” At that time you and he were not engaged and my guess no promises were made at that time ,you owed him nothing and he owed you nothing more or less no strings attached. My guess he dumped her because he saw a future with you and more depth to the relatioship. I would consider going forth with your engagment and since you said it isnt a problem now…then darling DONT MAKE IT ONE!!!! BEST OF LUCK!
Thoughts: Literally, the last - and BEST - response. Praise Allah, there is wisdom and sanity in this world.
*Posted by Sammy D
