I’m not the type of person to feel depressed.
Sure, I feel sorry for myself at times, and sometimes I feel disengaged from my current activity. But hardly ever depressed.
I am the Gumby of emotion - I always snap back, no matter how far you stretch me. But for the past three days, I’ve lost my elasticity.
I’ve woken up, had breakfast, and gone back to sleep. I’ve sat at my computer, read my emails, and never pushed respond. I’ve started projects (cleaning my bathroom) only to move on to a new project (washing my clothes to cleaning the stove top to organizing my shelf of magazines to…) while what I started, and should have finished in that order, still lingered in the background.
50 minutes at the gym hurts my body when it used to exhilerate my whole being. I turn off the car radio to listen to Tom Petty’s melancholy Greatest Hits album, “Free Falling” on repeat. I come home and hug my mom with the tenacity of a 2-year-old, even though the next day I know she’ll inevitably annoy me.
Are these the feelings of a 22-year-old soon-to-be graduate? Or is it more about burn out, and less about situation?
We all go through periods of stagnantcy. What used to amuse us is just heard in passing, and not in pursuit. The sunshine in our lives that woke us each day can be easily ignored and forgotten. Our learning and its partnering passion have fallen through the cracks. You walk down the road, and all the signs are missing. It’s as if I don’t know where I am anymore.
The joy that you once found in writing - in sharing your AWKWARDness and all of its functions, no longer has the same empowering, I-must-write-immediately effect. No more 2AM Tumblr sessions, 3PM to-do lists, 8AM Word-of the Days and manic emails to Erin E about how to promote our blog.
I have been MIA from the AWKWARD scene. Please give me a VIP pass, because I need to catch up. Finishing school became top priority. But so could have been AWKWARD. I apologize for my apathy and disregard.
And so, AWKWARD readers, I hope that being awkward hasn’t done me in for good, and that I can re-find the heart which brought me here in the first place.
When have you felt stagnant? Share your experience with us now at erinsammyawkward@gmail.com
Because perfection is boring, but motivation - the energy we use to live in this world - is what makes being AWKWARD OK.
*Posted by Sammy D
