I love you breasts …
1.) For representing my womanhood.
2.) For giving me lift without a Victoria’s Secret $60 bra.
3.) For helping me realize that so-called best friend in the 5th grade who flushed my bra down the toliet because she was jealous of my pudding chest, wasn’t really my best friend after all.
4.) For someday feeding my infant children, their milk helping to keep them healthy and balanced.
5.) For leaning down at the bar and getting me a drink faster than anyone else within a 6 feet radius.
I hate you breasts …
1.) For making the boys at the skating rink hit on me because they thought I was 16. I was 12.
2.) For forcing me to return size medium shirts my mom buys me to the store. Miss Express cashier, will you super-size my tee for my size C breasts, please?
3.) For potentially getting me a job as secretary to a very breast-friendly male in an executive position. And oh yeah: For getting me that raise when I showed you off a little bit more, too.
4.) For having a strong magnetic pull to people’s eyes. How many fingers am I holding up? Oh that’s right, you weren’t looking there.
5.) For having more impact with silence. When you are on your best game, you really show my true colors: Dumb blonde with a big chest. Just the first impression I was looking for.
*posted by Sammy D
