Yesterday was my 23rd birthday. (Thank you!) I was at work, plugging along with my tasks and feverishly switching back to my Gmail screen where friendly Facebook alerts were popping up, congratulating me on the anniversary of my nascence. And suddenly, I get an email from OkCupid!, my seldomly-used online dating site on which I have a free account. What could this be? “Happy Birthday, jessenorth!” Why thanks! “Still single?” Um, yes. Come to think of it, I am. “Come check out your matches and find the women who want to meet you for your birthday!”
I could hear the air quickly whooshing out of my birthday balloon. I felt slighted, but in one of those back-handed compliment ways. This email was the equivalent of saying to someone, “Happy birthday! You’ve lost so much weight since last year!” Or, “Happy birthday! Are you still working at Target?” Even, “Happy birthday! Have you ever considered a hair transplant?”
This message made me feel like I should be “out there,” searching for a date. As if it really is the most important justification of worth. And being someone who actually has been down about a past relationship and a lackluster dating scene recently, this message was definitely not one I wanted to receive on my birthday. And what’s this about finding a woman that wants to “meet me for [my] birthday”? Shouldn’t your birthday be an event spent with friends and loved ones-people who know you and love you for who you are? I hardly think a birthday should be spent trying to impress a stranger who you may or may not forge a strong connection with. What a waste of a special day!
Thank you, OkCupid!, for reminding me on my birthday that I am alone and sad.
~Jesse North
Spanish Harlem, NYC
Jessenorth@gmail.com
