March 2009
50 posts
“I mean, nothing’s a waste. We’re building our skills every day, even...”
– Sammy D at midnight last night.
My rap star husband is going to prison. NO! →
Guess I’ll have to wait 1 year and 1 day to have his 90328049 baby. Damnit.
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I'm sad that Anime Magazine folded. Really, I am. →
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WatchTexas. Sheep. Children. Children from texas. Children from texas riding sheep.
Oh my.
And this was inaugural?
A source tells me it wasn’t the first time “Mutton bustin’” was done at the annual Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo. Too bad. You’d think that based on experience, the kids would stay on the sheep a bit longer.
But hey, the only thing I’m riding...
“Philadelphia isn’t the New Jerusalem. But it shows smarts, heart and grit....”
– Because I love my city.
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An AIM conversation makes my work blunder a...
smd478: one of my bosses just described my writing with the following word: http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/saccharine
smd478: damnit
blandanomics: awwww
smd478: sickishly sweet.
smd478: so bad
blandanomics: this soda is saccharine
blandanomics: im using the word all of the time now
blandanomics: whatever happened to awkward word of the day
smd478: its a great word
smd478: i'm putting this convo on awkward
smd478: ok?
I Have Issues Saying Goodbye
I unsubscribed from Crate and Barrel’s email list today (I mean, how did I even get on it in the first place? I don’t even own a coffee table) and got this note in my inbox, and felt a tug on my heart. No lie.
It’s been a pleasure
We’ve enjoyed having you with us at Crate and Barrel. This message confirms your request to opt-out of receiving Crate and Barrel email...
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“Ok…i caved…
Inbox X
Erin Hicks
to me
show details 1:28 PM...”
– Erin caved. This morning she said “no Gmail.”
I said “FOCUS!”
Who am I kidding? I’m blogging at work!
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“Ah, I texted you earlier today, but I miss you like crazy! I don’t know...”
– Excerpt from an email from Sammy D at 10:50 A.M.
A Day Without Facebook
By Jessica Marati
11:40 p.m. – I add up all the hours I spent on Facebook today. It makes me mildly sick to my stomach. I had projects to finish, articles to write, deadlines! Social networking has become a serious blow to my productivity. 11:46 p.m. – I just had a crazy idea. What if I were to give it all up? Just for a day, as an experiment, a test of my willpower, an exercise in discipline. I...
...And my memoir?
Written back in the good ‘ol days:
Part time writer, full time waitress.
My Six-Word Memoir, At a Bookstore Near You?
Received this email last week. I don’t know what will come of it, but kind of cool I’m being considered.
________________________________________________________
Dear Six-Word Memoirist, You’re getting this email because we’re working on our next book of Six-Word Memoirs, and we like [at least one of] yours a lot. Please take a moment today to log in to your SMITH...
Something to Look Forward to...
In these uncertain times, I’ve finally found something to look forward to. The ever elusive-yet-vaguely-awesome band The Silversun Pickups have a new album coming out on April 14th?!
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AWKWARD confession: Karl Lagerfeld freaks me the...
Karl Lagerfeld breathed new life into Chanel in the 1980s by overhauling the brand’s image. Chanel became a label that was worn outside of the confines of the Upper East Side. Yet, Lagerfeld has a mysterious air about him, and I quite can’t figure it out. My interest in him sparked after I was an intern at Conde Nast. I had heard of him before working there, but I didn’t know...
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“Reason #39490348 I am becoming more like my mother: I get up, eat breakfast, do...”
Before Christian, there was Knox
I dated this guy briefly and then he disappeared. Much to my surprise, I found out he has this stupid blog talking about all the other chicks he hooked up with. Okay, so I was actually mad that he didn’t write about me. So I went ahead and wrote our story. Read it HERE on the heartbrokedaily.com.
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There's no deadline on love.
It’s not supposed to hurt this bad, is it?
It’s not supposed to hurt like this. It happened on Saturday, but time has been going so slowly. I’ve been watching the clock tick. It’s 6 AM. I’ve been sleeping in shifts. Off and on. My body is exhausted, yet energized. I want to weep. But I’ve used up all my tears.
I reach for the phone. Zero missed calls. I want to dial his number. I slam the...
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The most beautiful Facebook message...
dear sammy. listen to me, and listen to me well. (or is it “good” since “listen is a sensory verb, i think?) whatever. just listen. so, people are being critical of your work and labeled you as a “tranny.” do you trust my glittering opinion, sammy? i say GOOD! you wanna know why? because when everybody likes what you do and kisses your ass, that means you are boring...
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Mom, the Mac guy wants to check my breasts. Damn...
Do you ever feel like you’re old enough that you mum shouldn’t be able to embarrass you anymore? Or at least her mere presence doesn’t shame you the way it would have when you were a teenager? I feel like I should be past being embarrassed by my parents, but my mum did a fantastic job yesterday, with no knowledge or intention on her part. I feel like my embarrassment has gone...
How White Trash is Your City? →
I grew up in Lancaster, PA — home of Miller’s Smorgasboard [i.e. lots o’ food to eat for the measly price of $9.95 lunch special], Amish Buggies and truck accidents because of their presence on the road, seeing the Amish at the local 24-hours Wal Mart COMPLETE with a McDonald’s, Vidal Sasson hair salon [so chi-chi!] and grocery store … and the ubiqutious trailer...
F*** My Life: More Reasons to Love Your Life NOW →
Click, absorb, laugh, love, reflect, click again … laugh harder.
And then cry a little bit when you realize you have something to submit, too.
This reminds me of Philadelphia City Paper’s I Love You/I Hate You column.
Favorite highlight from today’s home page:
Today, it was my birthday. My girlfriend bought me a Nickelback CD. FML
#259596 (86) - 03/10/2009 at 8:46am by...
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I →
Attention whores? Gold diggers? Self mockery that falls flat? Quotes stolen from Sex & the City? British-looking lesbian trannies?
OH MY!
Spread the love and submit your review of AWKWARDisawesome.com to Urban Dictionary now.
Just don’t pull that tranny joke — ‘cause it’s already been taken.
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So you wanna be a graphic designer? 10 tips from a...
By Master Daniel Thomas Cassaro.
1 - STAY HUNGRY LIKE BIGGIE ON HIS FIRST ALBUM - Success can satiate hunger and blur the line between confidence and laziness. It’s best to remain critical and be open to the criticism others. By staying hungry you prevent yourself from inhibiting your creativity. You’ll not only continue to grow as a designer, but you’ll keep things fresh and exciting for...
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“My recently-ex-boyfriend found out that I cheated on him the whole time. I fell...”
– Yes… I know. I am. -jessica twitter: somuchtosay
EDITOR’S NOTE: Girls screw up, too. We cheat. We lie. And we scandal. Be the judge. We judge ourselves.
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Staring into space...
for about 10 minutes now. Literally. This is not good.
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“This too shall pass.”
– Sammy D to herself, ~ 7:30AM, March 3rd.
“She is - but you’re gorgeous too, Sammy! Not Eva Longoria gorgeous but...”
– Friend who tell you a.) the truth [yes, the other girl is gorgeous] b.) that you’re gorgeous, and c.) how you are gorgeous = friends for life.
God bless friends who bring you up when you’re feeling down. And for telling you that you’ll never look like Eva Longoria. Damnit.
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Reason #923084 I'm not going to bitch about my... →
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“Also, on a non-EW related note, I have canceled my MySpace account, so do not...”
– From a friend’s email to Sammy D, Friday Feb 28th @ 11:29AM.
Deactivating MySpace accounts at 23 years + in 2009 is pretty AWKWARD. You go girl.
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“I lost my phone. Again. And I wasn’t even drunk.”
– My plight: I lose my phone (s) not in drunken stupidity (the logical, and socially acceptable way to lose your phone). No. Instead, I lose my phone in a self-contained space at a restaurant. At a very nice restaurant. And then I return to make a full of myself by a.) having the people currently...