AWKWARD: Because Perfection is Boring

  1. 09:29 18th Mar 2010

    notes: 1

    reblogged from: sammydvintage

    Happy Birthday to ME!

    The birthday deal: Yesterday, March 16th - my 24th birthday - my roommate Jesse, the talent behind Stage Rush, surprised me with dinner, bowling, and cupcakes! at Williamsburg’s Brooklyn Bowl. I’d been wanting to go for-ev-er, and after mentioning it to him, he made…

     
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  2. 01:45 13th Nov 2009

    notes: 1

    Why Watching Tool Academy [Vol. 1- whatever] … Makes Me Want to Watch the Kardashians Instead.

    Despite being an intelligent and well-adjusted young adult, I join the millions of viewers who are fans of reality TV.  And nothing quasi-educational or inspirational, either; I admit, the trashier, the better.  I happily chronicle the latest exploits of the Kardashian sisters, watch former (and presumably chronically unemployed) cast mates compete on the Real World/Road Rules challenges, and view dating show rejects vie for conquests of sex and fame on their own shows.  No matter what the VH1, MTV and e! networks peddle, I find both amusement and an escape in watching the stupid and beautiful engage in activities on these shows that would be considered deplorable in normal society.  That is until I saw one particular show.

    Last Sunday, my sister and I decided to watch a TV program from my favorite genre.  We happened upon Tool Academy 2, the second installment of the popular show on VH1.  While an intermittent viewer of season one, I tuned in for 60 minutes of dysfunction anyway - and was shocked.

    For those of you unfamiliar with it, the concept revolves around women frustrated with their relationships due to the conceited, obnoxious and cheating partners they date.  In the initial episode, the guys are duped into attending the academy by falsely applying for the role of an energy drink spokesperson.  The typically jobless and disrespectful men are then reunited with their fed-up girlfriends.  Through meetings with the show’s resident counselor and different challenges, bad boyfriends are eliminated (for remaining tools) or “rehabilitated” over time (a few weeks) until a winner is declared.

    This season’s cast deals with pairs who have been together for as little as a couple of months to as long as five years.  The particular episode I saw dealt with hidden camera antics and a follow-up, free-talk forum where the tools could confess their bad deeds.  As a result, admissions of multiple betrayals and infidelities poured out.  The deceived girlfriends responded by sobbing, swearing and even slapping their lousy beaus.

    I was taken aback because instead of the usual fare of spoiled trust-fund babies and washed-up rappers, real-life couples were on display, their festering, multi-year relationships available for everyone to see.  One girl confronted her boyfriend about how disgusting, not to mention dangerous, it was for him to have unprotected sex with other women while dating her.  Then later in the same episode they donned matching cheerleader uniforms to perform a cheer about it.

    Sure, the tools and their elaborate hairstyles, flashy clothing and loud mouth, dimwitted ways are often something to laugh at.  But I don’t find much funny or advantageous about a show with young women who are wasting their lives away on guys who could care less about them.  Why would someone withstand such poor treatment in a relationship?  Furthermore, why would someone aggressively try to change a person that bad in front of the whole world to see?  Talk show hosts like Maury and Rick Lake featured similar couples on their shows for years, but have never awarded prize money to such questionable adults.  Maybe that’s what bothers me the most: the competition aspect of it.  The fact that grown women have no qualms about sacrificing their dignity on national television for a little bit of cash while each episode boasts new revelations about affairs and secret other girlfriends.  Everyone knew the girls in school with the loser boyfriends; now these are the women who have graduated on to Tool Academy 2.

    Let me say that I know what to expect when I tune into trash TV.  High ratings are the name of the game, and everything errs on the side of outrageous.  When strippers and the like clamor for Bret Michaels’ affection on TV, everyone understands the exposure and money (and love, sure) at stake.  Daisy de la Hoya didn’t win Michaels’ heart in season two of Rock of Love, but later gained recognition as a model, wannabe musician and star of her own dating show.  Albeit a little dirty, it can be win-win.  But while the majority of reality shows are anything but real, I can’t help but be turned off by these real-life couples and the women who helplessly cling to their bad boyfriends.  It’s no-win all around.  While watching these disgraced women talk about unending love and a married future with these men, I just felt sad for them.

    Unfortunately, Tool Academy 2 has slightly sullied my once pure love of scandalous reality television.  Give me Speidi, Tiffany “New York” Pollard and the Girls Next Door any day; at least they’re in on the joke.

    ~Kathleen Garvin
    kgarvin87@gmail.com
    Philadelphia, PA

     
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  3. I’m really hot … when I don’t have a boyfriend. [Figures].

    I have a general concern for those of us who end up being separated from our significant other for a period of time: people will flock to you like vultures around chum.

    In the past year and a half I realized that I only had a few men in my life: my dad, brother, boyfriend, and friend from my childhood. As soon as my boyfriend went to Europe, of course I gushed on Facebook so that my friends could see. However, I attracted an interesting proportion of guys I used to fool around with/date/love … whatever.

    Of course I am not up for being a bitch to these guys who just didn’t make it with me for the long haul, so I agreed to hang out with a few of them. Oddly enough, 90% of them have girlfriends which makes me wonder how honest their relationships are. If my boyfriend was hanging around a girl he used to bone, I’d be like “get your shit together boy.”

    In the past 3 weeks I have had a party where multiple men only showed up; one girl friend and me were the female minority. I met a man in my apartment building who must have known my weakness for PBR and good conversation. A guy I used to chill with drove from New Jersey 3 times in 1 week just to go out to dinner with me and my best girl friend…and then he would drive back after drinking. Another guy rode his bike 45 blocks drunk just to hang out on my front step for 2 hours when I was sad. And to top it all off, when I got wasted with my best guy friend, he told me how him and his father agree he should have proposed to me by now…He said this while I was puking up Absolut Citron shots by the way.

    Some may say “just stop hanging out with them,” but why can’t I be friends with the men in my life? I feel like everyone around me can have successful friendships with guys they made mistakes with. It is a baffling subject that has made me feel awkward, kind of taken advantage of because of my vulnerability with my boyfriend being out of the country, and amusing because as hard as they try, I will NEVER cheat.

    Guess the joke is on them, huh?

    ~G.I.
    Philadelphia, PA

     
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  4. Can’t knock the Anna Sui for Target top.

    A good part of my job at a non-profit arts education organization consists of online and phone correspondence with the many individuals with whom we work in conjunction to our programming.  I look forward to meeting them when they come to our office for events – you know – the whole put-a-face-to-the-name thing.  Anyway, last week we had just this kind of event.  As I was setting up the room and making last minute adjustments to the technology being used, one of our constituents leans over to me and quasi-whispers, “Emily – I didn’t know you were pregnant!”
    Shock … mouth-gaping shock.


    “I’m not.” I said, and left the room in sheer disbelief.  To her credit, I was wearing a flowy top.  It’s from the Anna Sui/Gossip Girl-inspired line at Target and was $40.  $40 in Target money is like $400 in Bloomie’s money.


    I guess this kind of thing happens all the time, really.  But to a 23-year old young woman living and working in New York City?  Do I even look old enough to be “well-situated” and pregnant?


    It wasn’t that she thought I was pregnant that flabbergasted me so.  It’s the fact that she think I was pregnant despite the fact that I’ve lost 15 pounds over the last couple of months.   15 pounds!   What would she have thought had I never lost the weight?  Just that I was a few moths further along?  The good thing is that after hearing this, I immediately never wanted to eat again.  In my pre-Weight Watchers days I would have immediately eaten anything in sight to try to console myself.  Progress.


    Then there’s the fact that my boyfriend has been deployed in Afghanistan since July.  A sick part of me wishes that I were actually pregnant…because that would mean that I would have had to have sex in the past 3 months.  Negative.  These days, sex for me consists of 5 minutes with my new best friend – the “Thumbs Up.”  Unless this new friend has secret dildo powers for Immaculate Conception, there’s no way I’m pregnant.
    Plus I don’t even make enough moolah to cover my much-needed Happy Hour habit, much less support a child.  And I have a strong aversion to babies in bars.  Anyone who’s ever gone to Happy Hour in Park Slope or Prospect Heights knows what I’m talking about.


    For the record – I’m not trashing that top.

    ~Emily Abbot
    New York, NY
    emily.a.abbott@gmail.com

     
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  5. 23:11 8th Nov 2009

    notes: 3

    Grow old along with me

    I really hope the best is yet to be.

     
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  6. 23:07

    notes: 264

    reblogged from: roguetink

    If you lose your way
    I will be the brightest lights
    guiding you back home.
    — Daily Haiku on Love by Tyler Knott Gregson (via tylerknott) (via roguetink)
     
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  7. 20:54 17th Oct 2009

    notes: 3

    Sometimes…

    I feel happy and content. Warm and loved. Full and happy.

    But then doubt creeps in. I feel suffocated and panicked. This is not my life. I’m not here. You’ve mistaken me for someone else.

    I hope this passes.

     
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  8. 22:55 6th Sep 2009

    notes: 1

    How to look gorgeous

    Ha.
    Everyone at the office thinks I have a hot event tonight. I apparently look
    too fabulous. This is what happens when you stay up way too late, get up way
    too early to sprint, find pants in the bottom of your drawer you haven’t
    worn in years, don’t even take your hair (4 days unwashed?) out of the
    ponytail you ran in, and somehow make it through the day. But somewhat
    relaxed, bc you’re not going to Jersey until tomorrow and can sleep in your
    own bed tonight.

    Story of my life.

    ~Rachel Mount
    New York, NY


    Back Story: In a flurried-hurried-frazzled rush, Rachel Mount changed plans to attend a wedding (reference: the last line), picked up a Visa at the US Embassy in NY (by changing her regular running wake up call to 6:30 versus the usual 7:15 - reference, third line), and managed to work at her intense magazine job and be looked upon as beautiful by fellow editors and fashionistas who had no idea her hair remained unwashed for four days.

    Story of her life — and we love it.

     
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  9. —Ate this bucket of noodles for lunch*. When Christian leaves, I eat a steady diet of ramen for lunch and dinner. So far I’ve lost 2 pounds, saved probably $30, and increased my risks of hypertension two fold.

*Water bottle shown for scale. The thing was huge.

    —Ate this bucket of noodles for lunch*. When Christian leaves, I eat a steady diet of ramen for lunch and dinner. So far I’ve lost 2 pounds, saved probably $30, and increased my risks of hypertension two fold.

    *Water bottle shown for scale. The thing was huge.

     
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  10. My Little Brother is Going into Day Trading

    1. Kyle: Sizzzz. Made $2800 today trading. Easy shit. Are you excited to make untold riches?
    2. Erin: HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!
    3. Kyle: All your wildest dreams will come true? :)
    4. Erin: Point Dexter. You're funny.
    5. Kyle: Just prepare yourself
    6. Erin: Oh, I'm ready. I'll give you 3k, k?
    7. Kyle: Nice. Humble beginnings. Have fun @ work
     
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  11. Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young spoke to my heart on Pandora today.

    In the Morning when you rise
    Do you think of me and how you left me crying
    Are you thinking of telephones and managers
    And where you got to be at noon
    You are living a reality I left years ago
    It quite nearly killed me
    In the long run it will make you cry
    Make you crazy and old before your time
    And the difference between me and you
    I won’t argue right or wrong
    But I have time to cry my baby
    You don’t have to cry
    I said cry my baby you don’t have to cry
    I said cry my baby you don’t have to cry…

    In the Morning when you rise
    Do you think of me and how you left me crying
    Are you thinking of telephones and managers
    And where you got to be at noon
    You are living a reality I left years ago
    It quite nearly killed me
    In the long run it will make you cry
    Make you crazy and old before your time
    And the difference between me and you
    I won’t argue right or wrong
    But I have time to cry my baby
    You don’t have to cry
    I said cry my baby you don’t have to cry
    I said cry my baby you don’t have to cry…

     
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  12. 17:05

    notes: 37

    reblogged from: soupsoup

    soupsoup:

mascarah:

Social Network Site Launch Timeline
So interesting (or maybe obvious?) which ones have really succeeded and which ones rapidly fell into obscurity. Perhaps there is a simple, universal reason why some fail and some succeed?

    soupsoup:

    mascarah:

    Social Network Site Launch Timeline

    So interesting (or maybe obvious?) which ones have really succeeded and which ones rapidly fell into obscurity. Perhaps there is a simple, universal reason why some fail and some succeed?

     
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  13. Live and Let Hive

    Woke up today with hives. Wandered into the bathroom, and saw my roomate DanJack there. I then proceeded to lift up my shirt, and show him the blotches covering my belly and back.

    Instead of acting terrified, he took the scientific approach—asking me if I ate anything odd, wore a new shirt, or used new laundry detergent.

    (If you’re wondering, the answer is no, no, and no).

    Later at work, he gchatted me after I changed my status to “Hive Five.” The convo is below:

    10:25 AM daniel: FIGH HIVE!
    triple hive soul
    10:26 AM mambo number hive
    me: HAHAHAHAHAH!!!
    mambo number hive
    10:27 AM A hive dollar bill
    Maroon Hive
    10:28 AM The Hive Dimension
    5 minutes
    10:33 AM daniel: hahahha
    10:34 AM hive from new york, its saturday niiiiiight
    ben folds hive
    me: HAHAHAHAAH!
    daniel: live and let hive

     
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  14. What’s missing from my digital resume is my 6+ years experience as a waitress.

    You’ll need to know that I spent most of my young professional life wiping high chairs free of Mac N’ Cheese residue at Friendly’s.  I once worked underage in a farmer’s market coffee shop for $4.75 an hour. (Guess the free coolatas were a big selling point in my 14 year old head).

    I have expertise in lifting trays the size of kitchen tables and providing crayons as peace offerings for crying kids.  If you dig Italian food and strong Italian girls, put me in a polo shirt and dare me to carry the ravioli plates of a party of 8 on my shoulder. 

    Need proof?

    Ask the restaurant’s mascot (whose work uniform includes a giant fork twirling life size spaghetti) for a recommendation. Its a shame but I doubt “Uncle Skeddy” has a Linked In profile. So you’ll have to refer to his facebook fan page

    So yeah, I’m not exactly waiting for my big waitressin’ break. But I can bring some pretty sweet stuff to the table. Like my ideas, words, and passion for good stories.

    Who knew the menu offered ravenous young journalists too? Yum. I suggest you order that.

    And yes, gratuity isn’t included. So be nice.


    ~Gina Ryder
    ginar819@gmail.com
    Philadelphia, PA

     
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  15. 11:18 25th Aug 2009

    notes: 1

    Saying “Hello” to My Shadow

    Woke up blurry eyed at 5:00 am with a strong urge to pee. Having moved in with my boyfriend and is 3 male roommates less than a month ago (actually, today marks my 1 month anniversary), I’m still not used to living with 3 guys and 2 cats. Without glasses or contacts, I also can’t see anything, which might explain why I said “hey dude” to my shadow, and then proceeded to delve into a 2 minute story about the dream I was having before I realized I was talking to myself. Starting the day with a cup of psychosis? Check.

     
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